What do we mean when we say the Church is the Bride of Christ? The Bible makes many references of God's relationship with His people through the analogy of marriage. This ladies' group exercise explores several facets of marriage:
-A topical study of marriage between a husband and wife
-How marriage relates to the relationship between God and His people
-A cultural study of Jewish wedding customs
-A study of the attributes that make a godly woman
-Attributes to look for in a godly man
Week 1 First Marriage
Genesis 2
The creation of man and woman is explained, and they are placed in the Garden of Eden where they can fellowship with each other, with God, and establish dominion over the earth. When a man and woman get married today, what is their dominion? Name several areas.
The Garden of Eden was the initial standard, the place from which mankind fell. As we meditate on the beautiful dynamics of the Garden, we also see the heartbreaking array of fragments that resulted from the fall. What dynamics do we see today in marriages that are the result of the fall?
The first man and woman are one flesh, meaning they have unity, solidarity. There is no striving, no envy, no blame, no offense. God designed them to be interdependent, with man ruling creation and woman being his indispensable helper. Genesis 2:18 The Hebrew word for this is “ezer”, which best translates as “helper, support, ideal partner.” We must remember that Adam’s aloneness was deemed as the first “not good” thing. The woman was God’s solution to the problem. Isn’t it is interesting that God let Adam feel his aloneness and see his problem first before providing a solution? Why do you think He chose to do this? Rabbit trail: Abraham and Sarah/prophetic Gen 21:10/central figure/ symbol of faith Gen 18:12 -->Gen 21:6-7/ mother's of the chosen people Gen 18:10/ example of obedience 1 Pe 3:1-6/ nobility is set on their household through her
It is also worth noting that elsewhere in the Bible, God refers to Himself as “ezer”. Since God is not subject to man, the word we traditionally translate as “helper” cannot imply subservient. It must imply necessity of support. Man is commanded to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” This great responsibility and duty requires support-an “ideal partner”- and Adam would do well to love, care for, and honor the provision of help God provides. What are some of the duties of a husband today? What does help from the wife look like today? What provision from God are you looking for? Rabbit trail: Are those good things? Is it possible we desire things from our spouses that God would call "not good"? How do we know if it is a good thing we desire or if it is not good?
The first individual unit of mankind was one man. The starting place for filling the earth was a couple. The implication is that all of society can be seen through the multiplication capacity of marriage: the couple, the family, which leads to extended family, which creates neighborhoods, towns, cities, etc. God has divinely appointed the marriage roles in the earth to be the starting place of the world. Marriages, and by extension, our homes, are the place of growth, protection, learning, and eventually a launch pad into the world. Is it any wonder why the sanctity of the marriage unit is under constant attack? We can trace the source to our enemy, Satan. If he can warp the pattern of marriage and break the standard, then he can warp entire societies and, most importantly, the spiritual pattern God intends to communicate a profoundly beautiful truth. That is, husbands and wives are roleplaying the spiritual parallel of God and His people, Christ and the Church for the world to see. How is marriage a ministry? (you may have to first define ministry) How do the spiritual forces of the world seek to undermine that ministry? How does a couple’s dominion and ministry overlap? (examples to explore: couple’s relationship, parenting relationships, friends, neighborhood, church, etc) Is the literal interpretation of "be fruitful and multiply" still valid today? Is there a spiritual parallel to "be fruitful and multiply"?
Bonus question: Gen 2:8 vs Gen 2:21-22 Note that it seems Adam is made outside the Garden and brought in. The woman is made inside the Garden and brought to Adam. Do you think their experiences influenced their viewpoints? What attributes do you imagine formed from those experiences?
Here are some recommended readings to explore these concepts further:
-The Most Important Place on Earth: What a Christian Home Looks Like and How To Build One https://a.co/d/eVa6WUE
-Wild At Heart, Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul https://a.co/d/2imrn3Q
Housekeeping notes: Deeper Life Conference- make plans to come!
Week 2 What's In A Name?
Worship & Reading: Genesis 2:15--3:20: Dominion
Genesis 2:23 vs Genesis 3:20
The woman had no name before the fall. Who called her "woman?" Who named her "Eve?"
After the naming of the animals, the problem of Adam's aloneness is solved with the creation of a counterpart. She is created artfully from him and he responds in joyful poetic expression, the first poem of hundreds found in the Bible. She is the future of God’s creative power in mankind and the multiplicity of Adam's own flesh. Following the poem comes the command for a man to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. We can think of it as: once separate, united again in marriage.
Some call it the teaching of “leave and cleave”. A man must emotionally depart from his childhood home and lay to rest his allegiance to his parents to assume allegiance to his wife. There can be no multiplicity in this: his duty will be to woo her, love her, protect her, comfort her, lead her, and support her growth. Let Holy Spirit minister to you as you read John 10:1-18, 27-28, Song of Solomon 2:8-17, see also Philippians 2:5-11, John 6:38-40
His household will be his dominion and his responsibility, and it will require his heart’s full attention. Have you ever seen a young man's desire to protect and lead his beloved? Why do you think fairy tales of "happily ever after" strike such a deep chord with us? Do fairy tales set us up for disappointment? "Follow your heart" with reference to Matthew 15:18-19
As a consequence of the fall, God ordained Eve to be “ruled” by Adam, thus creating a hierarchy in the family unit. Furthermore, Adam named Eve (Gen 3:20), indicating with finality his headship over her. From a secular angle, how can these verses be perceived? Look at Matthew 20:25-28. In light of these verses, how would you explain husband leadership to someone? What counter points can you anticipate?
Naming follows the biblical pattern of headship giving name to that which is subject. This is always within the context of unique and special relationships. We see this pattern emerge first when Adam names the animals as part of Adam’s dominion and responsibility over creation. How should this inform the way we interact with nature?
Does the idea of husband's headship in marriage challenge you personally? Why do you think that is so?
How does God's revealed name to Moses relate to the concept of naming? (Exodus 3:14) What are the implications of God naming the Hebrew people group "Israel?" (Genesis 32:28) What about the name "Christian"? Are there other names you carry?Rabbit trail: God didn't reveal Himself as "I AM" to the patriarchs, but as their father's God: "I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob" See also Genesis 24:3,7, Genesis 28:13, Genesis 32:29, etc.
We see naming throughout the Bible: God assigns names to Abram/Abraham, Sarai/Sarah, Jacob/Israel, John the Baptist, and Jesus. We continue this rulership when parents give their children names and when women take the last name of their husbands. Naming is an act of authority and comes with responsibility. What are some common reactions to this and how do you feel about it? Why? Do you have bad examples that play a role in your perception?
Recap / Share Takeaways / Worship
Week 3
Worship & Discussion: Authority
The context of husband having headship in marriage is important to gleaning understanding of the mystery of Christ and the Church.
Before the fall, mankind walked with God in the Garden of Eden. There was no separation between them nor any hierarchal social structures in place. There was no need of them because there was no chasm between God and man; no pride, no contention, no envy. Man naturally sought the presence and fellowship of God and saw Him as His Creator. The order of the universe was self-evident.
After the fall and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the order of the universe is not self-evident to fallen man. (He can no longer see truth without being a new creation.) Sliding into man's experience was pride, rebellion, self-sufficiency. There was a need for structure, just like there was a need for the law. Read Romans 4:15. Through the structure of the law, we see that the law reveals sin. We are unable to note disorder in family unity without the structure and order set for us by a loving God - the same loving God Who gave us the law to reveal our sin.
It is through this framework we see our need to submit to Jesus' authority-individually and corporately- so we experience His love and care. Once Jesus delivers us from sin, like how God delivered the Hebrews from slavery, we are free to choose to submit to Him, just like God invited the Hebrews into covenant relationship with Him and gave them the Law/Torah. (See Reading Resources after lesson) Structures of dominion and authority are part of God's provision to fallen man and the principles of headship will continue into His Kingdom.
One of the biggest obstacles to pulling back the curtain of understanding authority is bad experiences with authority. Think about your experiences with authority that left you feeling uncomfortable. A coach that pushed too hard. A professor that lacked empathy. A boss that offers more critique than encouragement. Perhaps an authority figure left deeper wounds than you care to admit. And if your father or father figure left wounds, the effect can be compounded. Have you had an experience with authority that left you feeling wounded?
Since we live in a fallen world, we are bound to find ourselves under imperfect authority, albeit varying degrees. Only One authority figure is perfect and that is Jesus. God sees all our failures, disappointments, and letdowns. He understands. He even understands when we fail in authority/leadership roles ourselves. Give an example of a time when you were an imperfect authority or leader.
In the book of Genesis, Sarai dealt harshly with Hagar after Hagar was disrespectful to Sarai. (God is ever-present, especially in our failures - for both the authority and the subordinate.) Hagar encounters the "God Who Sees Me"- El Roi. Read the account in Genesis 16:4-13. After Hagar encountered God, she returned. How do you think the conversation could have gone if there was repentance and forgiveness between Sarai and Hagar?
No matter what kind of bad experience you have had with an authority figure, you can rest assured that El Roi is with you and He sympathizes with you- even when you make a mistake! We have an intercessor who empathizes with our weaknesses, has been tempted Himself, yet is without sin. (Hebrews 4:15) Jesus chose to commit Himself to corrupt authority; He personally knows our struggle when we are dealing with challenging people. The author of Hebrews implores us to go to His "throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16) Read these verses from Hebrews and also Ephesians 5:22-24. Is our culture comfortable with authority? Think about a struggle you've experienced with an authority figure. Does knowing that God sees you in your struggle help you? How can you apply Hebrews 4:16?
The truth is that experiencing bad authority doesn't displace the principle of authority. God addressed Hagar as "Hagar, Sarai's maid" when He told Hagar to return to her mistress in Genesis 16:7-9. Do these verses cause you to wrestle with God?
God wanted her to submit to authority while also promising a blessing. Read Genesis 16:10. There is an important point in the story. Her submission is tied to a blessing. Read Matthew 26:36-44 and Romans 5:19. Jesus' submission to God led to the blessing of many. Read Philippians 2:8 with the blessing 2:9.
In marriage, the wife's submission is tied to her blessing. But more important than blessings, the husband has a duty to be a joy to submit to. As we've previously seen, Jesus presents Himself as a Good Shepherd, whose sheep follow Him. He promises to keep us, guide us, and teach us when we are obedient. We have the choice to submit to Him and there are blessings for doing so, even when it means we are called to carry a cross. Read Genesis 24:34-59. Rebekah chose to go with Abraham's servant to marry Isaac. Note v.41,58
Young women, we all have the freedom to choose who we submit to before we do the act of submitting. It is wise advice to choose carefully. Have you ever thought about your freedom to choose who you submit to? Why is it important to consider character and worldview in a person rather than only how you feel about a person? How can you leverage this understanding in dating? Job interviews? Church?
Rabbit trail: God gives "off ramps" to those under bad or abusive authority. See some examples in Exodus 21:7-11, 2 Peter 2:9, 1 Timothy 5:8, 1 Samuel 25
Bad authority can leave a bad impression of authority, but God's design for authority is a beautiful blessing in itself. Have you ever had a coach that encouraged you at your worst performance rather than berate? A boss that recognized you were having a bad day and got in your corner to make it through the shift as a team? Have you had a professor who went above and beyond their teaching duty to ensure that the material was delivered creatively? Jesus is the ultimate example of how submitting to a good authority is a blessing.
Good authority levels you up, draws you deeper, and inspires you. They provide a safe space to bring up questions and are quick to recognize and own their mistakes. (Receiving an apology from an authority figure can be a perception pivot point if you have had a succession of bad experiences.) We may not have had great examples of authority in our lives, but we can choose to look for good examples and model our lives and leadership after them. Commit yourself to finding good authority figures and studying Jesus as the ultimate example of authority.
Reading Resources: Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs https://a.co/d/4xNscw7
See Ephesians 5:22-33 and further family unit structure in Ephesians 6:1-4.
After rescuing the Hebrews from Egypt, God invites them into a covenant relationship, very close to marriage. Exodus 19:3-20
Week 4: The Jewish Wedding
Worship & Reading
When Jesus began His ministry, His references to covenant relationship were not a new commentary on marriage. It was a continuation of a centuries old dialog between the Jews and their God. The Jewish wedding ceremony was a reflection of the covenant spiritual truths relating to God and His people. Jesus continued this conversation as a means of communicating to His Jewish audience His intention, with finality, how He plans to rescue the world under a new covenant. Here we will review the various parts of a Jewish wedding and how they correspond with the Bridegroom Jesus, and His Bride, the Church.
Step One of a Jewish Wedding: Find A Bride
First, a man's father would select and choose a bride. Frequently, the bride and groom did not know each other because the bride would be from another town or village. Jesus left heaven to enter this fallen world, betroth us, and rescue us, much like a knight in shining armor rescues the damsel in distress.
John 1:10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.
Ephesians 1:4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world...
Ephesians 4:10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.
Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved...
The father of the bride would seek the daughter's approval of the potential groom and under her approval, would grant permission for the arrangement to move forward. But she first needed to reciprocate his proposal with her acceptance. Today, we reference this as accepting Jesus as the Lord and Savior over our lives.
John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Step Two: The Bride Price
Once both fathers agreed, a bride price (mohar or dowry) was established and plans would be made, specifically in the region of Galilee, for the groom to pay the price to the bride. The bride price was both a gesture of sincerity as well as a means of supporting her until he would bring her home with him. (Note: Payment was to the bride and not the family.)
1 Corinthians 6:20 ..you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies...
1 Corinthians 7:23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings...
Sometimes the groom would pay above and beyond what was "standard rate" as a means of communicating his great love and care for his future bride: she was of exceptional value to him. Jesus, the Son, was sent by God, the Father, to pay the bride price for us.
Matthew 13:44-46 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us
John 17:6 I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word.
John 10:17-18 For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.
If we chose to accept His proposal and His covenant, His bride price buys us from the entrapment of sin (our old "family") and gives us a deposit, the Holy Spirit, as support until He comes for us and we are able to go home with Him.
Colossians 1:13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,
Ephesians 1:14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.
Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you
John 14:15-31 The Promise of the Holy Spirit
If we reject His offer, we are rejecting His provision, His care, and the promise of fully knowing Him in the future, in Heaven. His offer is one of saving us from our fallen condition and providing for us until a later time.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Step Three: The Contract and Wedding #1
The betrothal ceremony followed. Beyond our "engagement" level, betrothal included a legal, covenant component. The betrothal could only be dissolved under the terms of death of one of the parties or the decision of the groom's father to end the agreement. Jewish weddings have two parts, usually around a year apart. As part of the first wedding ceremony, the bride price was paid and the bride and the groom would sign a contract (ketubah). This was an agreement that the groom would provide for his bride to be, even while she was still living at home with her family. She was legally free from her family and her status changed, but she still lived there until the second part of the wedding. The ketubah included an agreement for the bride too. The bride would agree to yield her life to her future husband and she would maintain faithfulness to him. Faithfulness included clearly communicating to others that she was taken and she would keep herself sexually pure. The ketubah provided her with protection, provision, security and promise. In Christ, our faithfulness to Him includes serving Him with all our devotion, not worshipping other gods/ false religions/ worship of demons, and not giving into syncretism, a blending of Christianity with pagan religious practices. His promise to us is to always be with us
Matthew 28:19-20 Go and make followers of all the nations. Baptize them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Teach them to do all the things I have told you. And I am with you always, even to the end of the world.
Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your [b]reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
1 Corinthians 10:20 No, what I am saying is that the things which pagans sacrifice, they sacrifice not to God but to demons; and I don’t want you to become sharers of the demons!
Ephesians 1:3 Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavens in Christ.
Once the bride price was paid, he would say "it is finished." or "it is paid in full." The agreement was permanent and legally binding, even though they would not consumate the marriage for a year. It was the equivalent of an agreement being sealed in blood. In place of blood, they would drink wine, symbolic of the sealing of the marriage. The groom would pour a glass of wine called kiddush, meaning "the cup of joy." A betrothal blessing would be said, then the groom would take a sip. When the bride took a drink, it was the formal acceptance of his proposal. Today, we recognize Jesus actually paid in blood on the cross for our sins.
Matthew 26:27-28 Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, 'Drink from it, all of you. For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission [forgiveness] of sins.
Hebrews 12:2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
There was another cup Jesus drank, sour wine, the cup of suffering, was while He was on the cross. Jesus invites His followers to drink from this cup too. It is only a matter of time, as a follower of Christ, that we endure challenges as a result of obeying God. This cup is not pleasant, and symbolizes an acceptance of our cross just like Jesus accepted His suffering He endured as a result of obeying God.
John 19:28-30 After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; and they filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth. So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.
Luke 22:42 He said, “Father, if it's your will, take this cup of suffering away from me. However, not my will but your will must be done.”
Matthew 20:23 Jesus told them, “You will indeed drink from my bitter cup..."
Matthew 16:24-26 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
After the bride drank the wine, the groom would drink again and then say "you are now consecrated to me. I will not drink of this cup again until I drink it anew with you in my father's house." At the Passover Supper, where the new covenant was given, Jesus tells us the same thing:
1 Corinthians 11:25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”
Matthew 26:26-28 While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.” Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Matthew 26:29 tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.
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